In the first part of this series, we focused on building an effective mindset for overcoming fear of failure. Now it’s time to get down to action: here are 6 powerful strategies you can use to conquer fear of failure right off the bat.
1. Acknowledge Your Fear
There’s a good reason why acknowledgement is the first step in every 12-step recovery program: we can’t fight an enemy we can’t see. Unless we can fully acknowledge our fear of failure, the psychological armor we built against it won’t be of any use.
Acknowledging our fear of failure, however, is not always easy. Many times, fear of failure comes disguised in subtle forms like anxiety, procrastination and other forms of resistance.
One great way to expose fears is plain old journaling. Another technique that works wonders is chatting with a rubber duck: many times, verbalizing your problem is all you need to clarify it.
Explore the nature of your fear: What is it that you fear about? Is it what people will say about you? What exactly are you concerned about? Try to unearth as many details as you can: the more precisely you can define the reasons behind your fear of failure the better.
2. Take a (Tiny) Step Now
Once we have acknowledged our fear of failure no other strategy beats simply taking action. Taking action and seeing results is the best motivator there is. The trick here is that we don’t need to take bold, courageous action: tiny action works just fine.
Tiny actions bypass the automatic fear response in our brains. We may get paralyzed when tackling big challenges all at once, but not when concentrating on tiny actions. And as soon as we have our first small success we start building the confidence to go on.
Small actions also serve another very important purpose: they are excellent feedback mechanisms. Each small step can be used to correct your course of action. A plane is slightly off-course most of the time, but since it continually uses its instruments’ feedback to correct its route, it’s able to get to its destination with precision.
So, think of the tiniest action step possible in your project — one that you’re absolutely sure you can accomplish — and do it now. After you’re done with that, just get to the next one… then lather, rinse, repeat. The tinier the steps, the better.
3. Reduce Uncertainty
Uncertainty is a major source of fear and anxiety. Our fear usually manifests itself because there’s at least one aspect of the challenge ahead that is unfamiliar or unknown to us.
The problem is exacerbated as we usually don’t distinguish the known parts of the problem from the unknown ones: we just mix them together into a large blob of fear and anxiety in our minds.
Getting clear about which tasks create the most uncertainty helps boost our mental energy to deal not only with those tasks, but with all tasks in the project.
Many times we tend to reassure ourselves by doing the easy tasks first and putting off the uncertain ones — and that’s fine in the beginning to help us get going — but if you keep postponing the most uncertain tasks, they will not stop haunting you and sapping your energy. So, after we get a little momentum (by taking tiny steps), the most uncertain tasks are the ones we should go after.
Make a list of tasks in your projects identifying the ones that are major sources of uncertainty and then tackle them as soon as possible.
4. Batch Ideas Before Executing Them
Have you considered that fear of failure might be a signal that you may be approaching the problem from the wrong perspective?
If that’s the case, why not have more ideas before jumping into action, then? “Any idea is a bad idea if it’s the only one you’ve got,” someone once said — and I agree.
Having no options is frightening: we start believing ’success is our only choice’. We believe that the single outcome we envisaged is the only way out, that we must get it right, or else… Obviously, the problem is in the scarcity of alternatives and the terror that this ‘all-or-nothing’ situation elicits.
The way out of this situation is to have many ideas. Lots of them — after all, quantity breeds quality. You’ll not only have plenty of alternatives to make yourself feel safer, but may also solve the problem using a much better idea than the original one.
Refuse to execute an idea if it’s the only one you’ve got. Use any one of the many idea-generation methods available — my favorites are lists of 100 and idea quotas.
5. Plan for Failure
As we discussed in part I of this article, failure is part and parcel of life. What does this mean? In a nutshell, if you are doing things right you wil fail. Often.
I roll my eyes when I see dialogue (especially in war movies) along the lines of “What’s the contingency plan?” and the reply is the clichéd “Failure is not an option here.” Guess what, no matter how important the outcome may be, failure is not only an option — but a very likely one.
Especially when we’re doing innovative work, failure is not an ‘unlikely case we should be aware of’. Quite the opposite, it’s the norm. Expect failure and be prepared for it. Instead of pretending failure won’t happen, be prepared to fail intelligently — and learn from it.
Let’s be clear: this is not the same as setting yourself for failure, but simply not getting caught by (too much) surprise when it happens.
One thing you’ll notice is that — and this may sound counterintuitive at first — when you consider failure as a likely result, your rate of success will drastically increase. You’ll think more thoroughly about your problem and become more prepared and confident.
Before jumping to action and simply hoping that you won’t fail, stop for a moment and plan for what you will do when things won’t come through as expected.
6. Redefine the Game
We all want to be successful, but have you paused for a moment to consider what ‘being successful’ really means?
I could not finish this series without mentioning that we’re free to define success in any way we want. I know this may sound iffy, but the definition of ’success’ and ‘failure’ are entirely up to you: you don’t need to adhere to any existing standards — really!
What if you measure success not by the usual notion of looking at the outcome per se but, for example, by how much fun you had along the way? What if you’re in for the learning? What about the excitement of trying new things? There are so many ways something can be successful that it’s really a pity to ignore them all and focus solely on how it can fail.
Let go of the idea that there’s only one successful outcome — and that all other alternatives, by exclusion, are failures: each outcome is successful in its own way. You may not have had the outcome you expected, but you may have learned something new about yourself. Or maybe you have developed your resilience. Or maybe you just had a good time all along.
By all means, be honest with yourself — don’t just pretend you don’t care about the outcome at all: this is not an attempt to fool yourself when you fail, but a genuine attempt to change your mindset and release yourself from the limitation of single outcomes.
Closing Thoughts
This ends this two-part series about fear of failure. As long-time Litemind reader ReddyK wisely pointed out, overcoming fear is part courage and part discernment. Hopefully, with the help from the ideas in this article (along with those in the first), you now have tools to better tackle fear of failure whatever the case may be.
Failure has become a dirty word when it shouldn’t be. Make failure your friend: unless you truly embrace failure, you will never really appreciate what it means to succeed.
Now it’s your turn: What strategies do you use to deal with fear of failure? Share in the comments!
Luciano,
This was a wonderful post. Just as anticipation of a wonderful experience is often better than the experience itself, so too is dread of change often worse than change itself. I was especially drawn to your suggestions to take small steps rather than big ones, as well as being open to achieving your goals in ways you didn’t anticipate. If we’re too married to how we win, we’ll often ignore the one path that actually leads to victory. The only caution I’d suggest is in being overeager to redefine success. Though failure is indeed part and parcel of life, if you focus too much or too often on a way to feel successful about failure, you risk not getting back on the horse and trying again. Balance, as always, is the key here. There’s a good story about the importance of never giving up at this link: http://www.happinessinthisworl.....-defeated/
Very well said, Alex. Although our brains’ ’simulation machine’ is very useful, it’s still important to know when/how to ignore it. I believe conquering fear of failure has a lot to do with that. Thanks for bringing it up.
You also make a great point about the redefinition of success. Maybe I could have put it clearer in the article, but the idea is to expand our vision of what success means — and not to “turn failures into successes”. It’s not so much about rejecting failure after it has happened, but about finding a better definition for it beforehand. Does that make sense?
Oh, and thanks for the link with the violinist story — very interesting!
It is about telling yourself the truth – the truth about your decisions and, the truth about your failures, and the truth about why you are afraid to fail.
Thanks for your work towards this series
I think you summed it up well, Dee. Being honest with yourself is critical in every step here.
Where is the book 2 years the very best of litemind you said
I would get free ?
Ron 818-892-0646
Hi Ron,
The book is available to newsletter subscribers only. You can become a subscriber for free and get instant access to the ebook here. If you have any problems downloading it, send me a private message and I’ll help you.
I don’t deal with fearing failure all that well, but I think I’ll be able to do a MUCH better job of it after reading these posts. Such wonderful advice. Thank you!
Hi Luciano.
Point number two, about taking a tiny step, is quite appealing because I was able to imagine a small step whereas I wasn’t able to imagine a large step. I don’t think there is such a thing as a large step anyway. Getting feedback from something minimal should be enough to adjust for a slightly better next step.
That point about quantity breeding quality is something I had in mind yesterday. I was thinking about how a prolific musician made a song that I liked about 10 years ago, and how he might not have made a song of that type, which was a bit different from his normal style, if he wasn’t so prolific and willing to keep producing material. In that respect, quantity can breed quality in that a percentage of the produced material will be quality to some folks, and some will be for others.
I think no one wants to do #5, because it seems like a waste of time when success is unwittingly guaranteed in one’s mind, but I agree that it would remove the fear that can tear down productivity and motivation.
There is some winning material here.
Fear is such an insidious enemy – everyone needs ideas like this to face it down. Thanks for the great post.
When I start noticing I’m afraid, I often remember a story I heard about Muhammad Ali. Every time he entered the ring, he would look at his opponent and say to himself “Hello fear, my old friend.” If you can see fear as your ally, you’ve got it mostly whipped in your life.
Years ago I worked as a doorman at a nightclub. One of the other doormen there was a smaller fellow, who was always very calm, capable and appeared totally fearless. We became good friends, and I asked him once what his secret was. He said “If you’re not brave, act brave. Nobody can tell the difference. When you take one brave step forward, fear takes two steps back.” His words have kind of become my motto in life.
Thanks again for this 2 part series. Any chance for part 3?
I loved “Hello fear, my old friend”! It feels so… human!
That’s a radical shift in perspective, as it goes to the point of bringing a warm atmosphere to fear — it almost gives it a face!
Thank you so much for sharing these two stories, they’re both truly inspiring!
Luciano, I am flattered and appreciative that you found my comment useful, and thanks also for the link to the Atma Jyoti Blog.
Regarding fear of mistakes, it is said that Nikola Tesla plotted out all of his inventions and discoveries in his head, working out all problems before committing them to paper, whereas Edison preferred to make his experiments in the “real world”. Edison’s failures were evident, but Tesla’s were in the realms of the mind, and therefore hidden. The point is that both made mistakes. If geniuses (genii?) such as these made mistakes, we can learn from their mistake making…They faced the inevitability of failure, as you say, and plodded ahead, assured of success in the end.
Thanks for putting together another well thought out and useful article.
Ah, I love ‘Tesla vs. Edison’ folklore!
I learned to be skeptic about most of these stories, but they’re very instructive nonetheless!
ReddyK, thank you so much for sharing your ideas and opinions in the site since the early days — I really appreciate it.
This is a very interesting subject. But don’t be afraid to make mistakes.
Hi Luciano,
I came across one interesting quote, “expectation stands in the way of progress”.
So sometimes, when I want things really bad, like for example, a job, i will have tendency to think a loooot about it. Have I said the right word, have I shown enough, what if I’m too honest.
And what I learn is to stop expecting, even in a way telling myself, “i’ve failed”. I couldn’t do anything about it, as the decision is in my employer’s hand. I’ve just got to stop expecting and start making progress on what I have today.
That’s my 2cents.
Regards,
Robert
Many people confuse the ideas of ‘not expecting’ with ‘not doing anything about it’. They’re two separate concepts — which implies that one doesn’t always come with the other.
Thanks for your contribution, Robert.
This is such a beautiful post and equally as important as so many people run from their fear, but you can’t EVER outrun fear. We must turn and face it and even embrace it. Or it will continue to cripple our lives, drastically limiting our life experience.
When I was kid I had a lot of fears, but it was in the rainforest of Australia in my early twenties (many years ago) that I began to look at and embrace my fears.
Today, I have very little fear and if something does frighten me I am compelled to explore it, as I refuse to let fear run my life. I would feel trapped inside a box if I did that. I need to be very very free in my spirit. And I won’t give that astounding freedom up for anything.
Your work here is lovely.
Thank you my friend.
I’m glad we’ve connected.
Robin
Embracing fear is liberating, indeed. Thanks for sharing, Robin.
Luciano, thanks for sharing this article with us.
In my case, it was just what I needed now, because I´m a little concerned about some own recurrent fears associated with anxiety. In these last few days, I felt like I´m suffering with these feelings, sometimes with no apparent reason at all. Probably because of too many professional responsabilities that I try to accomplish at the same time.
Specially the “take a tiny step” part, I think I could try it.
Let´s do it!
Hi, Giuliano — thanks for commenting again in the site after so long!
If you’re not clear about your fear of failure, I would start with the tools in part I of this article (acknowledgement). Have you tried them?
You can even apply the ’small steps’ idea when trying to acknowledge your fear. Do you feel frightened about journaling (or that you don’t have time for it)? Do it in small steps! Why not a 10-minute journaling session to uncover your fear? Maybe a 5-minute one?
Taking tiny steps is a highly effective tool, and one you can use for just about anything!
I plan to cover the ‘tiny steps’ theme much more here in the blog — I simply love it, but I do realize I don’t talk that much about it!
Great article. I found naming (labeling) your fears (Kornfield) a useful technique.
I am not aware of that technique, Fier. I am very interested in knowing more. Can you provide a good starting point for exploration?
Thanks!
Excellent article Luciano as was the first part. I tried to comment on it too, but failed as it wouldn’t take my comment. So, now I try again. And that reminds me “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
Excellent post! I really needed this today. Thanks so much!
Thanks for this — I particularly liked the “becoming aware of the fear” point. Getting really clear on how the fear shows up in my body is a great way to put it in perspective — it’s often a “static electricity” feeling in my solar plexus, and when I see that, I can breathe into that part and regain my composure.
Sometimes we are afraid of being wrong/ unable to save a face infront of friends keeps us from taking some risks. I really like your clear points and details. Many of us do not acknowledge the problem, hence can not move forward. Good points for everyone, for me for sure.
Passuello, regarding Kornfield technique, a good start is reading “A path with heart” chapter 7.
Disclaimer: Kornfield is a buddhist monk, so there is a lot of buddhism in his books.
Another good way to overcome fear – False Evidence Appearing Real is to remember it is designed to make you Forget Everything And Run or to do the exercise I did yesterday at Play to Win in groups of 5 write down your goal, past successes, and the reasons why you have not got it yet. Allocate one person to be your coach standing behind you to remind you of all your successes, the others stand in front of you and keep voicing your limiting beliefs all at once. You face each in turn giving reasons why you can overcome them until they realise your energy is too powerful for them so they step aside & join your support team. It is important to remember to celebrate your success at the end so you can strenghen the
Awesome, awesome post, luciano. Steps 1, 2, and 3 are best done, in order and as quickly as possible. I liken it to jumping into a cold pool – if you just stick your feet in you’ll never go in since it’ll always be “too cold”. Instead, the best approach is telling yourself, “Okay, I’ll be cold for a little, but I’ll warm up eventually,” take a deep breath, and just jump in. Taking that small leap of faith also tends to reduce anxiety; funnily enough, things are a lot less stressful when you’re actually doing them.
Very thoughtfull post on overcoming fear .It should be very much helpfull.
Thanks,
Karim – Creating Power
5 things i do when I fear failure
1. Get some healthy sleep
2. Read last chapter of Think and Grow Rich
3. Get myself busy with work
4. Think about my girlfriend. Her thoughts motivate me.
5. After I found that I feared failure, i decided to jump in compulsorily in that thing! It works. Like, there is win after courage!
This was an overall great article, but I can’t say enough about number 6. We often spend so much time trying to live out other people’s idea of success, that happiness seems like something completely elusive. You hit the nail on the head when you said to redefine what success means to you. Great work!
Dear Luciano,
This is one great article, simple and straight, the “last thoughts” made me smile when you said “Failure has become a dirty word when it shouldn’t be. Make failure your friend”
Og Mandino, (writer and business man) was asked what the secret of success was, he replied, “You should triple your rate of failure.”
“You keep trying to fail, until you get so good at it that you miss the mark. Then, when you fail at failing, you’ve just made the mistake of succeeding.”
Thank you Luciano.
Hi Quatro,
I like the idea of “tripling your rate your failure”. However, you must be careful to take something out of every failure, otherwise those failures won’t be honoring at all. For me, the most important thing about failing on purpose is to always treat it as an experience: get the data, analyze it and learn from it.
Thanks for your comment!
Your post seems useful because of its simplicity. And its simplicity seems to have been derived from a good dose of thought. I like “tiny steps” and “plan for failure” although I would prefer the later be relabeled; perhaps “account for failure”.
I learned something about fear that helps me. I believe fear is a necessary signal that helps us protect that which we love or value. I use the example that if your child is about to be hit by a car, without fear as a signal, we would fail to act to protect. But the fear would not signal if there was no love in what is in danger. If it were a ball that were at risk, for example, fear would not alert us. So fear is attached to love.
The problem with fear of failure is that it perverts the use of fear because the object of protection becomes our pride. Pride is not a worthy cause in the general case. In most cases it is a protection of ones image; an image we safeguard to our own peril. And it also pinpoints a struggle we have about who we are.
So when faced with fear. I ask my self “what am i protecting”. And if its not protecting a worthy cause, I go for it because I value truth more than self image.
Perhaps “Account for Failure” would indeed be a better title. However, I wanted to stress the fact that failing is not only likely but, in the long run, certain.
Your theory of “fear as protection” makes complete sense — thanks for putting it that simply! “What am I protecting?” is a great question to ask: it goes directly to my question toolbox I’m assembling.
Thank Eddie for your contribution!
As promised, I will read the part II of your post. Definitely,this is a great series of post that share those very helpful and smart tips on how to overcome the fear of failure.
Keep posting.
Luciano,
Fear, and specifically fear of failure, _can_ be useful. It’s what prompts you to do some research before picking up that cute brightly colored snake. “Is that a coral snake or the harmless thingie that looks almost like a coral snake?”. Fear is a gift to be managed.
-bubba
You’re right: fear of failure is part courage and part discernment. Sometimes, you’re better off running than overcoming your fear…
“SUCCESS IS FOR EVERYONE BUT ABILITY IS MUST.”